Be Prepared

I remember when I was pregnant thinking, "why didn't anyone warn me about this?"  Then I realized it's one of two things, women forgetting how much being pregnant sucks after having an amazing little thing placed in their arms; or two, fear, the fear that you must be all alone in feeling this way or having certain side effects that you are too scared to share them with anyone for fear of judgment.  I decided that I would never hide the ugly side of pregnancy to any pregnant friend.  And, I haven't.  I also now realize that there is an ugly, oh so ugly side to parenting that no one ever talks about; I'm guessing for the same reasons.  So, here are my UGLY parenting facts:

1.  Showers are need based only.  Smell bad enough and it's time, otherwise what's a day or two without a shower, no one really knows anyway.

2.  A warm meal, especially dinner, is a luxury, not a daily occurrence.

3.  Doesn't matter how many times you have changed a diaper in your life.  You will get poop on your hands, the changing table, the wall, the floor. 

4.  Poop is a daily conversation, so get over any issues with it pre-baby

5.  Stubbed toes are another daily occurrence, especially in the middle of the night...so much stuff

6.  There is so much stuff you have to have for one tiny little person who isn't even mobile, and just wait until they can move.  You will have to get rid of your stuff to make room.  Bye bye whatever odd collection you love so much.

7.  Your friends without children really don't want to hang out with you anymore. No, not because drinking to 1 am is really not an option for your anymore, but mainly, because all you can talk about is your kids, poop, and how little sleep you got due to your kids poop.  Seriously, no one but you and your spouse care about your kids poop, and probably not even your spouse (my hubby has let me know) so we should all really try to stop.

8.  Stuffed animals will invade your home.  Why does anyone think they make a good gift?  I apologize to any one I may have gifted a stuffed animal to in my pre-child days as well as those really fun, obnoxious, loud toys (which will be the ones you stub your toes on in the middle of the night)

9.  You will live in an abyss of laundry that only grows exponentially with each additional child.  No matter how hard you try to stay atop of laundry, you will always be behind, or perhaps lost in the abyss.

10.  MOM.  DAD.  Those beautiful words SUCK and will make you feel old.  Doesn't matter your real or imagined age ( I'm still 27 in my head), the day your little one says mom rather than mommy, you will feel as though you have aged 10 years.  It is an ugly, oh so ugly day  (maybe a shower would help?).