The first time Blaire had a tantrum in public I felt a mix of emotions, sadness for her, for me, for those around us, embarrassment dread (how long will this one be?), and honestly amusement (ha, ha, everyone here has to deal with this as well)! As I've learned to work with Blaire through her tantrums, I have to be honest, I allow her and mostly encourage her to go through her spectrum of tantrum. There is all this information out there about how to curb or stop a tantrum, and as much as I can see why we would want to do that ( only so much screaming is tolerable), I wonder if that is truly the best thing for the child.
Toddlers are at a stage when they are learning constantly about everything. Until the age of 3, toddlers are mostly right brained, meaning that they don't utilize logic (left brain), which is why the experts say not to try to rationalize with a toddler under 3 when they are having a fit, as a fit is the right brain in control and they do not yet have the skills to transfer into the left brain/logic, and to try to prevent the tantrum/fit prior to it getting to thsi point. Back to point: Toddlers are experiencing more and more each day and expected to understand and do more and more each day than they are probably truly ready to take on.
Toddlers are Neanderthals. They want what they want when they want it and communication is null and void. They don't understand that moldy food will make them sick, or that it's 30 degrees out and too cold to wear a tutu and sandals; more importantly, they do not care about these minor details. They understand basic needs and desire, I'm hungry I need to eat, etc. We tell them No, for probably the 100th time that day and they loose it. Can you blame them? How many times and ways can you be told No before you lose it?
Why stop them from experiencing this emotion? Why stop the child from expressing his/her desire? Why not allow your child to show his/her will? I'm not saying give in to the child's wants (or allow dangerous behaviors). What I am saying is that I want my children to have opinions of their own, strong wills, determination, and the understanding that if you want something you should go after it. I want my children to know that just because you fail at achieving your goal one time doesn't mean you should quit trying. I want my children to have the confidence and strength to be individuals, leaders. Thus, I will not follow the pack in squashing my children's tantrums. I will allow them to express their emotions. I will hug and kiss them when I won't give in, and on those occasions when I realize that what they want really is not a big deal and I give it to them, I will acknowledge their strength, determination, and victory.
Afterall, isn't that the kind of person you want to take care of this world?
No comments:
Post a Comment