In the last year or so I've seen a lot of blogs and articles revolving around the idea of the mommy wars, working vs. stay at home mom. Then there is the whole US Weekly magazine grading celebrity moms based on information from a "source" or some picture the paparazzi snapped as they were trying to make a quick get away in hopes that their family could possibly have a moment of normalcy. All of this got me thinking, we need to stop. STOP looking at other moms and making judgments. STOP saying who has it harder or easier. STOP making excuses for what you do or do not do as a parent. None of us are perfect, even if we have moments of grandeur.
Entry no. 1:
My hamper is overflowing with laundry that is bordering on smelly. Today was my first shower since Sunday, which I just realize means I only went one day without...not bad, hopefully I can keep that up this week. Toys from this morning are strewn across my living room floor because I didn't have the energy to sing the clean up song and motivate everyone. Uggh, so tired of always cleaning up. Blaire went out without her hair brushed because the thought of her screeching about not wanting it brushed was enough to frazzle me so I opted out of hair brushing. I wonder if Daisy will come eat that pile of crumbs if I let it sit for two more minutes so I don't have to clean it up? I'm tired. I should probably go put on some make up, nah.
That's all the honest truth; the behind the scenes that many people don't really see. On the surface: I taught two classes this morning, Spinning and Barre, went on a quick 4 mile run, took the girls and their baby dolls out on a stroll to see the horses, showered, grocery shopped, Sloane's music class, lunch/snack with Blaire, and got both girls down for nap. This afternoon will consist of Blaire's swim lesson, girls shower, snack, cooking dinner, dinner, bedtimes. Have you graded me yet? An A for surface crap and a C for the reality.
My goal when becoming a mostly stay at home mom was that I would become super mom/super wife. I had this idea that my house would be spotless, my children always entertained with amazing activities I created, all meals home made from scratch, I'd exercise as much as always, and only have a smile on my face because this was fun and easy. Man, did I fall short of my own expectations. Then I think, well what were these expectations based upon? Who or what is a super mom? Some how between the "mommy wars", the media, and other misguided beliefs I fell into the trap that sadly many of us do, mommies or not. That there is some ideal that we need to live up to, in order to be a great mommy. Who makes us believe this crap?! A job, whether it's being a mom or working on wall street, is not always fun and is not always easy. There are times when we want to rip our hair out, scream, and possibly run the other direction. Seriously, I am jealous of my three year old because she can get away with that kind of behavior. We don't.
Entry No. 2:
Sometimes there is so much going on, that I end up in survival mode. Pick this kid up with this arm, threatening the other. YES I KNOW! Threats are stupid because we all know I would never leave my child, but right now I'm tired, I've tried everything else, and those were the words that came out of my mouth. And, well, it worked. I'm a terrible mom. Why would I ever make my kid think that I am leaving her? I'm a pro attachment parenting parent. Did I just scar my child? Will she remember that in 5, 10, 20 years? Crap. Crap, is that a bad word? Should I not say that in front of my kids? It's not like its shit or fuck. Oh, sorry.
There, that is reality. I am not a Super mom. I am not a Bad mom. I believe that I a good mom. I do my best each and every day to do what's best for my family. I exercise to keep myself healthy and sane and to give my girls a good example. I make 85% of the meals around here, mostly from scratch, but I can dial take out with the best of them. I allow my kids to be kids, get dirty, explore, have fun. I have threatened to leave my kids behind if they don't come this minute. I have cried in exhaustion. I have laughed myself to tears while playing. I have said curse words. I have tried to make them think I said something else. I am a MOM. Give me an A or an F, I don't care. Because really you are in no way grading me. You are grading some idea of what you think should be, based on something you don't even know. Until you walk a day in my shoes, maybe a week, kids know when to play good, you have no clue! Stop judging because all you are doing is creating more stress for yourself, more ideas of what you should or shouldn't be doing. Instead, bask in your moments of grandeur, hell don a cape if you'd like, and drink a glass of wine to get you through the other 95% of the time. Enjoy the parts that are enjoyable and in the rough times remember that this too shall pass, and maybe have some more wine.
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