The thing about Pre School

Especially now that Blaire has reached the age of 3 I feel as if I am constantly asked where and when she will be attending preschool.  The look on people's faces, as if my answer if horrific, or better yet some of the comments, "well, she may not pass the entry skills for Kindergarten." when I state that Blaire will not be attending Pre School this fall and maybe not next either, blows me away. Hello, not your kid, not your concern.  Still, I always feel the need to defend our families choice.  The funny thing is I never attended pre school, neither did my siblings before me.  I know very few of my friends who actually attended pre school and those that did didn't attend until at least the age of 4, for true pre school, the year prior to Kindergarten.  This brings a lot of confusion to me.  For myself, I was always on honor roll, graduated college with honors, have a masters degree in Special Education, hold advanced certifications in Pilates, and yup, I NEVER attended pre school.  In fact, I didn't even have a stay at home parent.  I was sent to the neighbors house until my older siblings or neighbor kids got home to watch me. 

When my husband and I decided that I would no longer work full time in order that I could be home with our oldest child, it was not a decision made lightly.  In fact, I was gravely against it until I spoke in depth with my therapist and realized that being home with my child was what would be best for me and our family.  This decision came along with a HUGE salary loss, which created a shift in our lives.  [Thus, those of you who say how lucky I am that I don't have to work (and other stay at home parents for that matter), please know that that's a bad statement.  It comes down to priorities, what we are willing to live with and without.  As a child of a single mother, I fully understand that some parents NEED to work in order to keep food on the table and a roof over head.  However, owning a home, or the newest clothes, coolest gadgets, big vacations, etc are not necessities in life.  We were willing to forgo on these & other extras in order for me to be a stay at home mother.]  With the decision to stay at home, I decided that home was the BEST school for our children.  As a former teacher, I have seen the role that parenting plays in a child's life.  I have seen the good, the bad, and the ugly.  I do my best to only provide the good, but let's face it, I am human and I know that even I am not a perfect parent.   I believe that family is the most important teacher in a child's life. 

Yet, every time I am asked about Pre School I can't help but second guess my gut instinct.  After all there are some days that between the little work I do outside of the home and errands, my time away equates to part time preschool.  Although, when I am gone the girls still have a 2-1 ratio, and isn't small class size the biggest desire of all teachers and parents alike?  Doesn't research prove that children learn more in smaller environments with more individualized attention?  Still, I had to look back into some of my reading to re-evaluate my decision.  I came across the following from The Whole Brain Child, by Daniel J. Siegel, M.D. :
                            
                             "When kids spend time with the most important people in their life, they develop
                               important relational skills like communicating and listening well, interpreting
                               facial expressions, understanding nonverbal communication, sharing, and
                               sacrificing.  But also, in relationships, children develop models about how they
                               themselves fit into the world around them, and how relationships work." 

I had a HUGE sigh of relief.  This was not what made my decision, but helped reaffirm my decision.  My hope for my children is that they grow up to not only be good academic students, but that they are compassionate, empathetic, sympathetic, motivated, and genuinely good people. Can they get some of that in school, sure, but not in nearly the same capacity and not without some kid(s) teaching the opposite.   For my family, those lessons start here, in our home.  The way I look at it, once my girls are in school, they will be in school for a long time.  I don't believe that that time needs to start now.  Now is the time for my children to learn that they are loved and that they can trust that we will always be here for them.  

In no way am I saying that Pre school is the wrong choice.  For some families, it is the best choice.