My youngest is 13 months old. She still wakes up 2-4 times a night. My oldest is a month shy of being 3. Ever since becoming a big sister she wakes up 1 time a night 3-4 times per week. On average, I get about 5 hours of interrupted sleep a night. I exercise regardless of my fatigue because it keeps me sane (though my level is not quite what I'd like it to be, but thats for later) and I work 8-10 hours per week training others. Oh, and I am the "homemaker" for lack of a better term. I am EXHAUSTED. I will live this way until my children figure out the sleep thing as I refuse to sleep train my girls and here are just a few of my reasons why:
1. Do you actually sleep through the night? Think hard because I am more than likely right when I say that you do not. You have to go Pee? Remember rolling over, or getting smacked by your partner? If we as adults have trouble sleeping through the night, why do we expect our babies to do so?
2. When you have trouble sleeping do you lay in a pitch black room all alone until you magically drift off to sleep? I'm guessing, NO. For me, anyways, I will try to read, watch TV, talk to my husband, etc. Again, why would you then expect your infant or child to lay ALONE in the DARK to fall asleep?
3. During the daytime, when your child gets sad and cries, do you leave them alone to cry it out? I'm guessing no, you probably at least give them a hug and tell them they will be ok. Yet, at night the idea is to then leave them alone. Where is the consistency? I don't think that there is one person who could logically argue that consistency with whatever parenting style you choose isn't probably the most important factor in it's ability to work. Daytime and Nighttime parenting should be the same for your family's sake.
4. My favorite: it creates independence because they learn to self soothe. REALLY? Screaming and crying until you are so stressed and tired that you fall asleep is self soothing? Besides, have you ever fallen asleep like that? If you have you may know that that kind of sleep is far from being what experts would called restorative. If that is what it takes to be independent than I guess I'm not Independent myself. Crap.
5. It just feels unnatural. I'm sorry, but there is nothing in my parenting DNA that makes me comfortable listening to my child scream and cry in sadness and let's face it, in the middle of the night in the dark, fear, that makes me think I should just shrug my shoulder and turn my cheek.
6. Dr. Ferber, who created this whole idea, hence, Ferberization never originally intended it to be used for night waking, solely for the initial falling asleep phase. He also then altered much of what he originally said.
7. Research advises against it! There is much research indicating that leaving babies to cry it out causes much stress to the brain, which can hinder development. Don't believe me? Google it. Even Harvard did studies.
8. I am a parent. Isn't this just part of the nonverbal agreement that comes with parenting....Putting your child's needs first. I'm not saying that parents need to ignore themselves, Shit, I'm far from self ignoring; however as parents it is our job to prioritize Anyone that ever attended a sleepover with me knows how much I need sleep or what a B I become. High school field hockey sleepover will forever be in my sleepless memories ;) Yet, here I am, many years later, doing what I dislike, missing sleep, but could never be more grateful. After all, I have 2 beautifully amazing little ladies with whom I get to spend my days. They need my love and comfort at all times of day, NOW. I can sleep when I'm dead.
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